I have been feeling very, very blah lately - blah about Juneau, my job, my personal life and creative output...my lack of ungodly riches...so, like a fool, I pinned all my hopes for kickstarting some fun back into life on Halloween.
Halloween is a very wonderful holiday, truly one of the greats (my all time personal favorite is Easter, but Halloween is right up there with it). Dressing up is so awesome, and kids trick-or-treating is so cute, and it's a nice cheerful and morbid celebration during autumn, a perfect backdrop for cheerfulness at fall leaves scurrying around in the crisp wind and for morbidity at winter's approach and the death of another year. Halloween is also a dangerous holiday, however, as people tend to party a little too hard when they get all mob-frenzied at the high turnout at the bars and the abundance of interesting or...shall we say titillating costumes. Last Halloween, for example, I dragged my feet, was totally broke, had no costume, and then threw together a very fun get-up and proceeded to utterly alcohol poison myself into oblivion. What a crazy night, what a terrible hangover, what a crushing case of the next-day-shames.
This year we vowed it would be different, and devised a gameplan for what we would drink, how much we would drink, and more importantly what and where we would NOT drink - buying drinks at bars was strictly forbidden because it's a money-suck and because it leads to over-intoxication, but drinking a pre-determined amount at home was projected to be both cost effective and a good way to ensure controlled conviviality. I instead poured money into costume supplies with some vague, grandiose vision in mind. Then I got the blahs, and those costume supplies festered in their plastic JoAnne Fabrics bags while I refused to do anything productive at all until the day before Halloween when I started stitching. I also had a few Miller Lites, I'll admit it, and who knows if they affected the following day, or if the cumulative stress of work and hating the season change (dreading winter) and not wanting to be marooned in Juneau at the moment were enough on their own, but I woke up on Halloween with a headache that waxed and waned throughout the day.
Between that and a spat at the house, and perhaps the impossibly high expectations for the holiday that had been built in group plannign and discussion for at least a month prior, I collapsed in a total break-down, and my headache turned into a sort of stabbing-icepick-in-the-brain pain. I barely scraped it together to get dressed as company came over, and was reluctantly pressed into makeup duties in the bathroom, and eventually plastered my own face over, and even got my arm twisted into having a couple of drinks before leaving the house, but the joie de vivre was long gone. However, I had already purchased tickets to the Reign of Terror haunted house at the JACC, so I had to go out at least to use those.
That haunted house was perhaps the worst that I have ever seen, ever. Words fail. Although the words "haunted tent" do describe the scariest thing in it, if that tells you anything. Honestly, the only time there was anything remotely unnerving was when one of the rooms was just pitch black and you had to make your way to the shredded doorway on the far side - and I can get that thrill for free at home. We need an investigative reporter to tackle the question, "What did 35 high school students do for the 5 months that they allegedly spent working on this haunted house?" And also, "If they had a budget, where the hell did it go?" The entire thing consisted of high schoolers lurking in plastic sheet cubicles shifting from side to side and occasionally shrieking, one pup tent with someone in it shaking it, and a legitimately creepy mattress set-up that looked ready for a massacre, if only one had shown up. I guess it was kind of funny, if I'm being charitable. And it would probably be really scary for kids! But scaring kids isn't hard.
Anyway, we went out to the Alaskan afterwards (after I was berated in a rainy parking lot to at least walk over with my friends as I tried to duck out and head home), and The Great Alaska Bluegrass Band was a pleasure to listen to, and a pleasure to take one sedate waltz around the dancefloor to, and I was all too happy to sit and look at all the creative costumes for a little while before heading home to get mad snuggly on the couch.
The next day Alicia gave me some tough love and forced me to figure out what I could do to be happier in Juneau so I wouldn't bail on her during winter break and leave her homeless. One of those things was putting up or shutting up, so I signed up for
NaNoWriMo in an effort to get my lazy self to do more than start and shelve a writing project. Now I have to write oodles a day or I'm dead. But I'm glad I did it, it means there's something that I Really Need To Do in the evening, instead of shlubbing around doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself. Current word count: 1,049. X_x I'm cat meat.